So I want to be open with you guys and let you know exactly where I’m coming from and where my fitness journey started.
My sophomore summer of high school I started dating a super athletic baseball player. He had the body that women DREAM of (not trying to brag about him, but seriously, it was insane.) I was a soccer captain, so I was in shape, but I was the kind in shape where you’re fit, but you’re “skinny fat.” I had a little bit of a pouch and I didn’t like my legs, but I was happy with myself. But after a month of staring at my boyfriend’s six pack, v-cut, and all over shredded body, I think I began to see myself as inadequate.
Very quickly I developed an eating disorder. At first I justified it as going on a health kick; I would TONS of fruit and I pretty much lived on Special K Protein water. And at first, I actually saw healthy results, like fat burning off (because I was still doing summer soccer) and I leaned our pretty fast. Then it got out of control. I was down to eating anywhere from 300-800 calories a day. I stopped ever being hungry. When my boyfriend took me places to eat, I would refuse to eat barely anything. My friends and family, even his family, started to worry about me. My mother took me to the doctor and I was down to 16% body fat. The doctor told me that if I kept dropping at such a fast rate (because this happened within about a month and a half) I would have to be hospitalized, and I would put myself at risk of becoming infertile.
The same boyfriend I had gone anorexic to impress is that one who shocked me out of my disorder by breaking up with me for having changed too much. It wasn’t a lie; anorexia is a terrible disease that takes over your mind and makes your whole perception of yourself and reality change. The whole time I was sick I only saw the four pack I was getting, how thin my legs were getting, how slim I looked.
Seeing pictures now I notice how sunken in my cheeks were, how terrible my collar bones sticking out looked, how body and sickly my body seemed. Now I’m not trying to down on anyone who naturally has that thin of a build, but on someone like me, it looked sad. This is why I can sympathize with anyone with an eating disorder, because I’ve been there, in the dark place where your world revolves around food and all you can think about is how you have to not eat so you can have the body you want.
I personally believe that my short time suffering from anorexia damaged me in a way, because I feel like I will never be the same person I was before it. But it’s been four years now, and I have made a FULL recovery. Lol Actually, I flip-flopped and became a bit of an unhealthy overeater. I never got fat, but I was unhealthy, and I was unhappy with what I was doing to my body. I am happily in love with the most amazing guy in the world, and he saw me go through my anorexia, so he was always telling me that I looked fine, for fear that if I started trying to be healthy I would take it overboard (something I was worried about too, honestly.) When I started riding horses it became painfully obvious that I would need to get in shape to be a better rider. I saw myself riding on video one day and that was my wake up call. I was like, “Oh no, this has got to change.” So in August of last year, I started on my path to a better me :) and this time I’m doing it the healthy way.
If you have any questions, I do know quite a bit about fitness and will be willing to help anyone out who needs advice or just some extra support.
Just for reference to anything, I am 19 and just about 5’ 2”. I have problems with lower belly and upper thigh fat. I hate vegetables, but I’m trying to get more of them in my diet, and I love beef (especially steak) more than someone who wants to get fit should. Fruit is still my favorite skinny girl food, and I only LIKE to drink water after a workout, even though I’m making sure to down more of that too.
I hope you guys will be willing to talk to let me in on your stories too, and like I said, feel free to ask me stuff on my personal page :)
